I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Drunk is not a location!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
