Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
