You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
