why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
