Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
