Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
