I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
