: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
