I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
well you can't waste a boner
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
