just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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