I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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