so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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