I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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