I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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