just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Houston, we have a blender
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
