Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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