Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
