when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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