I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize