A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
