I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
