So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
