his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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