I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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