she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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