I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize