Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
