Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
