Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I am one with the molecules
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
