If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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