why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
