Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
