He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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