areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
