I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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