is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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