Your face is a jimmy john
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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