I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
