PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
