I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
