You don't have asthma, your pregnant
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
