rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
