Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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