The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
