I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
