it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
