Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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