I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
