Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
