I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize