In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
