we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
