I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
