you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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