Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
