Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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