You smell like a Billy Joel song
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
