Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize