WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
