i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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