Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
two words...techno handjob
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You were trust falling into bushes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
