u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
