i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
