i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
