Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
