I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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