clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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