i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i've created a new STD.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
