a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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