If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
