i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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